Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
