she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
