Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
