Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
