looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
