I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I believe in your delicious
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
