Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
