i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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