we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
