You're completely useless in the revolution.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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