Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
