I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i drank out of a bidet.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
