All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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