Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
