all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
