Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
