I am spending my child support on dildos
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
