I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
