Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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