i would punch a child for taco bell
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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