Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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