I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
