I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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