I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
there is glitter all over my balls
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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