Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
