I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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