its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
