There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
