morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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