TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
