I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
