I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Randomize
