dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
