I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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