addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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