omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
