so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
