Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
