I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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