you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
