I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
