I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
