Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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