It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
