Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
a search helicopter?!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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