I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
