I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
