I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
