Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
