i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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