i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
